I took some time off from anxiety. It was good. I was able to relax and have fun. Now I’m back – not that I really wanted to come back to anxiety… But I’m definitely back. In fact I got back 2-3 days ago. I’ve had a “condition” for a couple of weeks. Nothing serious. Nothing to worry about. I still went to the doctor who checked me out, gave me a prescription and sent me out the door. I was fine. The doctors appointment had been a clear headed call by a normal person – me.
The drugs from the doctor didn’t work. The condition was still there. And I wasn’t getting any better. Finally – 2 or 3 days ago – I could no longer resist that greatest of all urges (when you have anxiety disorder). I googled.
This is the worst thing anyone with anxiety can do. Using Google for self-diagnosis is – at best – very very bad. If you search for any condition long enough you will always end up with cancer. Or something equally bad.
And, of course, that was the result of my self-diagnosis. Slowly, but surely, I somehow worked my way towards the worst possible decease that matched my condition and when I found it I started matching vague pains and feelings to other symptoms. Suddenly I was deadly sick and anxiety started to settle in again. It is truly like that terrible guest that appears and never leaves again.
So I spend 2-3 days in total fear for my life. I go back to the doctor and he takes another look. Conclusion. Of course my google self-diagnosis was just ridiculous and there is nothing wrong with me. Of course I’ve again spent a part of my life worrying about something that wasn’t real.
The lesson? If you have a condition, stay away from google. And, yeah. You can actually take a break from anxiety. And that’s the positive experience. So I think I’ll take another one right now…
6 comments
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November 10, 2006 at 10:08 pm
Anonymous
I can totally relate. And seeing someone else write it out makes me laugh – the best comedy comes from truth. Even though I know and understand how painful anxiety is, sometimes you have to laugh when you want to cry. Laughter heals the soul š
November 11, 2006 at 10:22 pm
Anonymous
Hilarious. and so true.
November 12, 2006 at 1:31 pm
cindy
Oh Jonah – that’s SO good!!
November 16, 2006 at 11:51 am
Cam Rewop
I too found that amusing. 2 Years ago (this month) that was me. I spent ~30 days in fear that I was about to die, and boy did I hit the internet hard.
Just like you, my self diagnosis was terminal (mad cow was something I came back to a couple of different times).
I can say now, that that was the worst time in my life, but I would never change it. I found so many things during that time, and some found me.
November 25, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Anonymous
Are you me? I took some time off from anxiety too. It was REALLY good. Now I’m back. In fact, it came back full force three days ago. But I must admit…I could feel it coming back slowly, and just when I thought I was managing it, boom. Ruined my Thanksgiving. I should’ve known not to google this toothache I’ve had that three trips to the dentist has not yet cured. The abnormal mammogram in October didn’t help. The fact that two people I know well were just recently diagnosed with breast cancer doesn’t help. The fact that it was breast cancer awareness month when I had my mammogram didn’t help. I have found that as long as I physically feel okay, I am anxiety-free. But as soon as something goes awry, I’m right back there. Anyway, you know what I’m talking about. Thanks for the laugh. I really needed it today.
November 28, 2006 at 5:57 pm
jonah
I am actually on a huge rollercoster ride these days. Up, down, up, down. I’m free! I’m anxious… I’m free! Anxious again. Repeat infinately.
My physical well-being is strongly tied to my anxiety as well. As soon as some pain doesn’t go away when I want it to, I start to get anxious.
Although, I’ve been able to increase the amount of time I tolerate new aches and pains (note: Most of them aren’t new – I’ve felt the same things before but just forgot or didn’t mind then).
But the bottom line for me is fear of pain and death. I’m to tied up in my life – to self-absorbed. I can’t be bothered because I have so much to do and blablabla. You all know exactly what I’m talking about.
Anyway, Rant over š