I usually try to stay calm. Not just to deal with the terrible effects of anxiety but also because being angry or annoyed feels good in the short run but, in the long run, it makes life really difficult, especially if you have little control over the circumstances causes your pain. But sometimes, oh sometimes, I just like to get pissed off. So here it is, my constructive way of managing anger. This is a list of things that annoy the shit out of me.

Traffic.

Not too long ago a woman on I-270 decided that I wasn’t keeping up with the stalled traffic, so she laid on her horn. No, I don’t mean she just honked. She held it down for a good ten seconds and then continued to do so. You see, when traffic moves 5 feet, only the morons slam the gas and then immediately slam the brake again. Me? No, that just wastes gas and is hard on my brakes. So I roll up up to the stopped car in front of me. She thought I wasn’t moving fast enough, nevermind the thousands of cars that blocked my path from moving. So, instead of flicking her off or screaming, I just waited for the traffic to move another few feet and I remained still, hoping she’d go around me. Eventually, she nearly killed someone in the lane to the left of me just to get around me, and then I slowly rolled up to her, smiled, and gave her a thumb’s up.

Stupid people.

How you define “stupid?” Well, for me, it’s anyone who is so egocentric that they allow themselves to think that others are just inhabitants of the fantasy world they’ve created for themselves. Stupid people are the ones who are constantly impatient with others, who judge first and ask questions later, who constantly seek social status and define their own happiness by what they own. These people never think about the big picture. They don’t care about the plights of the less-advantaged. They care little for animals (including pets), the environment, history, or other cultures. Their idea of success is having more money than the other guy. Many stupid people hold positions of power because you gotta be an ass to constantly crush your opponents without regard to fairness or justice; in fact, you’ll find many of them in the Federal government.

Anti-Smoking Zealots

I’m a smoker and I try to be a considerate person, so I do my absolute best to make sure that you never have to smell or inhale any of the noxious fumes that I so crave. I’m a strong supporter of totally enclosed smoking sections and some public bans on smoking, but please please don’t give me your treatise on why I shouldn’t be smoking. I’ve heard it all before. I’ve seen the literature.

Bumper Stickers.

This quote from Dimitri Martin pretty much sums it up for me: “I don’t mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It’s like a little sign that says ‘Hey, let’s never hang out.'”

Public Cell Phone Chatters

See “Stupid people.”

Television

With the exception of a few shows, television is officially dead to me. By the way, what happened to Saturday morning cartoons? They used to actually be entertaining, for both children and adults. Now they’re just… dumb.

R&B and Modern Rap

I love the old school stuff, but the modern stuff is crap. There’s no rhythm. Most songs can be summed up thus: “I want to have sex with you. I am rich. Look at my car. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.”

Advertising.

I often think that my intelligence decreases the more I see advertising. Sure, some level of advertising is helpful, but I now feel like my entire existence is to be a target for advertising. By the way, you can reclaim your Internet browsing experience by using Firefox’s Adblock Plus plug-in. Install this baby and you’ll never see an internet ad again. It’s free, and if you’re not using Firefox… well… you should be.

Phew. That feels better.

Advertisements