I’ve reached the top of the hill again! To those who’ve read my previous posts this will make some sense. For others… well, let me explain.

As most you you know anxiety can be a rollercoster ride. A couple of months ago I felt pretty good but then something happened that made me stumble a bit. I rolled down the hill. During these past two months I’ve been steadily climbing upwards again and – thankfully – I am back on top.

The past few weeks have been like a small cumulative miracle. Things have happened. I have been forced to deal with situations where I thought I would fail – even die – and I would have avoided quite willingly if I had been given a choice. These situations have been both big and small but they have all represented things that have scared my or things that I thought I could never deal with. I was wrong.

To clarify, these situations haven’t involved anything bad, sad or hurtful. That is, perhaps, the “funny” part. An example would be a situation where I had to speak in front of a big crowd of important people about something that was very important to me. This was something I thought I couldn’t handle. I was sure that the stress would simply kill me. I would fall down completly and utterly dead. Didn’t happen. I spoke. I lived. Yay!

And during this little trip I’ve had fun! Increadible fun. I haven’t enjoyed my daily life like this since… well, since I was a teenager, probably. I feel very much alive. I feel carefree and relaxed. Even though I’ve gone through more tension during the past couple of weeks than ever before. Things are moving fast – in a swirl – and I am pretty calm. Amazing.

I’ve even felt the claw of anxiety creep up on me and I was able to brush it away. “No heart attack today.” I said. “No blood clot or brain tumor, thank you very much.” And the anxiety just stopped dead cold. It crawled back into the darkness.

Will this last forever? Probably not. How long will it last? I don’t know. Will I roll down that hill again? Probably, yes. What will happen then? I will climb back up. Because being on top is breathtaking.